The Inconsiderate and Dumb Woman

Ded deds, do you remember Ronneres my e-pal? I tried talking back to him again. I have no idea why did I argued with him the last time and I missed talking to him. So I actually messaged him. He was cold and didn't wanna talk much. I wondered why and keep messaging him. Finally found out he read my blog here and actually read the post that I scold him. I was embarassed and ashame of myself. I know he will never forgive me and lose a good friend. What is wrong with me? I dont even remember why I wrote what I said in the post... I guess I really like him that time and I tried really hard trying to tell him but...I guess I knew nothing would result in what I do and I was angry with myself I was angry why wouldn't I be more attractive? Why wouldn't I lose some weight? Why wouldn't people accept who am I? Why wouldn't I be more considerate? Why wouldn't I just be more noble and be a friend when he needs one? Why would I fall for him in the first place? Why why why. I was angry at him too at that time which I dont even remember what it is anymore...I...I promise myself that I would never talk that way to another person and yet I did it again. I know how painful it must have felt because I felt that before too.

Ronneres if you are reading this, Im not asking you to forgive me as there is no reason why you should. I just want to say Im really sorry for saying those things I said about you. Im really sorry. There's no reason why I should write those mean things about you even though I'm angry. Im really really sorry Ronneres. I really am...I guess at that time I like you too much and you were calling me and telling me about the problems you have and I just felt pissed off of how she treated you. And I was being selfish and wondered why not I deserved a chance with you when she is treating you so badly and it hurts me that time to see how you're hurting from it. I dont even deserve to think that way as I'm just a friend. I've never handled this feeling before and I guess I got off track and lead my feelings to another level which I'm not entitled to. What a friend I am. I am really sorry Ronneres. I am sorry.

A never ending day...

Today was not really nice. First I got taunted by shemales, then I got taunted by idiotic guys, then other small little things like someone snatching away my car park and so forth. Then to a dramatic end, my uncle got admitted to the hospital after a log hit him directly into the skull. Now he's at pending in a hospital in Raub, in the procedure of rushing him to GH hospital in Chow Kit since all other hospitals do not accept him. I felt so numb *Linkin Park song strums at the background* *sigh* I'm so eager to tell the whole story but I just felt not in the mood to it at the same time. Anyway that's an update of my life. Please pray for my uncle

Linkin Park flying away

My favourite rock band is coming to Singapore and I am not able to go for it. *sobs* Exams are testing my patience this time. I hate this new place that I decide to further my studies on. I thought it would be a better option, better environment, better connection. Instead what I have before is so much better. In fact the reputation in my old university is getting better than my current one. I was flabbergasted. What do I expect myself to do? Running back to the old one? I've decided to change, it's my decision, I should stick to it. No regrets. So why do I somehow felt that I've made the biggest mistake of my life and I should change back despite my ego issues.

It's a matter of principle, not ego. I've set myself to put a harsh reality check. I do not have the priviledge to live under my parents care for the rest of my entire life. Somehow, I have my own responsibility to attend to. Struggling in this piece of crap is hard, but I am doing it anyhow. I'll show the world that no matter how hard it will be, I am going to do it. Guess I'm sticking to this place huh? *sigh* Linkin Park, I need your music to be inspired and motivated. Guess I just have to put on my CD then *puts the CD into the computer and let the music flows through my soul*